Farewell to Home by the Sea: Spring 2008 Whidbey Island Retreats

   Thank you to all who attended and contributed your mighty talents to the spring retreats.   Together, we launched sparkling new projects.  We smiled in recognition as we recounted our leadership stories of victory, defeat and yes, surrender.  We created new visions while we sipped fine wine and savored dark chocolate.  We cried, sighed, grieved, laughed and celebrated, A LOT.  We drank muscular coffee and walked, piecing together what was trying to unfold.  We embraced the chaos of change and courageously planned the next steps.  We watched Tucker, the wonder dog, romp down the beach on moonlit nights breathing deeply the salty sea air. We did yoga together in the living room on sun drenched mornings after deep silent meditation. We watched the golden sun set as the eagles soared.  As the tides ebbed and flowed, we found our Truth over and over again.  When all was said and done, we did indeed shout YES… and then we crawled back into our soft feather beds and slept very, very well.

  

Advancing into a Bold YES!

 

I just now committed to a bold Yes.  One of those Yes’s that all your friends say in their best London English, Why of Course!  You must do this!  For me it’s been 3 days of feeling the intensity of the fear of making the WRONG decision.  I’ve spent hours contemplating all the possible choices and calculating all the possible impacts.  I’ve reviewed my values, my purpose and the vision of my business. I’ve looked carefully at the risks and possible rewards of this innovative YES.   Vividly, underneath all this valuable analysis, I’ve been experiencing intense fear.  Primal fear of the change that this bold Yes will bring to the status quo of my life and business.    I deeply resist the chaos that this change will usher in before I get to truly inhabit the next more resonant land that I have been envisioning all along.  

Isn’t this how it goes?  The call comes and we know we have to answer YES…and yet there is always “Trouble at the Border”.   I’ve noticed this theme of “hesitation before the leap” in many of my client conversations this week.  Does it come from the business culture that wanted us to be innovative YET taught us be cautious as mistakes can indeed jeopardize our careers?  Does our success get in the way of our growth as there is so much more at risk with each yes?  Do we unconciously know that there is so much more to lose if we are wrong????  Yet all of us, deep down yearn to say yes and silently regret those times when we back away.

Whatever we posess, we fear we might lose it if we step forward.  Whenever we are thinking about me or mine, we are in the realm of the wounded ego.  The ego which is desperately trying to control things, to keep us safe and protected and WAY smaller than what we are capable of being.  In order to step forward into leading our lives and those we serve, we must get comfortable with the terrifying AND exhilarating process of moving through the fear and uncertainty that the ego throws up, toward what is truly calling.

When it comes to saying yes to our personal destiny, I love this line from the new movie, The Moses Code.  ”God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.”  However you hold the presence of the divine, remember that this presence within us, is always calling us to expand into our greatest potential.  It is calling us to change, create and innovate BOLDLY.  When we say yes, it’s vital to remember that we are not yet the person or organization that will fulfill the call.  We grow into it.  Ahh, this is where the surrender and leap of faith must take place.  This is why coaching support is essential.  Left to our own devices it’s way too easy to stay small and protected.  Then of course, the outcome, although we are protected, is often; poor, lonely and sad.  The outcome of the YES…Exhilaration, change, abundance and growth. 

Therefore, we retreat into the silence.  We retreat into supportive coaching conversations.  We discern the strong voice of the call to which, despite our full body fears…we must in the end answer boldly…YES! 

 

 

Retreat to Forgiveness & Compassion

I love this stamp.  It reminds me of my years of competitive sailboat racing.  I loved the physical challenge, the mental intensity, the teamwork and the beauty of being on the water.  On the racecourse I learned that the journey of life is won by those who sense the shifts in the wind and sea and boldly respond, changing course as needed to reach their destination.  Unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion are both my bold response and destination.  Here’s how these three got connected together.

December 2007.  I am in India, down on my knees  in a sacred shrine, the warm breezes, gently blowing the scent of jasmine through the open windows.  I touch my head to the cool floor before the marble tomb of the saint who’s spirit inhabits this place.  I silently pray a monumental life shifting prayer, ”Forgive me for whatever it is I’m not doing right.  Show me how to worship you.  Can we have some kind of relationship, please? ”  I silently walk around to the back of the tomb, to the majestic photo and gaze into his eyes, which are sparkling with love.  I hear his response, a voice in my head.   “Let’s start by you letting me love you just the way you are.”    An intoxicating wave of indescribably intense unconditional love washes through me.

Fast forward 2 months to a handwritten scrawled question and answer in my journal:  How do I love myself unconditionally?  Self Forgiveness.  Plain and simple.

Last week the final thread gets woven in.   I get to hear His Holiness the Dalai Lama speak.  His theme, Compassion.  Having empathy for what another is going through and also taking action to ease their suffering. 

A mental light bulb flashes! It’s not so easy for me to get over there and have empathy and unconditional love for you, if I’m hiding behind the wall of my wounded ego silently beating myself up with negative self judgments, projecting them on to you.  I can’t get over there with you, compassionately, intimately connected until I forgive myself.  Try some self forgiveness this week for the sake of you and those you love. Forgive whatever is standing in the way of you loving you, exactly the way you are.   Treat yourself to a blended cocktail of unconditional self love, forgiveness and compassion.  Let me know how it impacts your journey.  Cheers!

Retreat into the Darkness

I’ve spent the last few weeks immersed in Debbie Ford’s new book.  Why Good People Do Bad Things-How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy.  Basically I’ve had to face the painful truth that I am a People Pleasing, Too Cool, Good Girl, who wants to be the Savior of the world, often acts like a Depressed Victim and tends toward being an Overachiever…selfish to the core. 

These are the masks that I have used unconsciously throughout my life to protect myself from the shame of my wounded ego.  These crappy masks have been lurking in the dark corners of my unconscious, quietly reeking all kinds of havoc in my life despite my spiritual progress.  While my masks protect me, they simultaneous have me experience myself as limited. 

These masks are my shadow.  I’ve been accepting them, tracing them back to the childhood wounds that created them and with the gentle flashlight of Self love the adult Jeaneen is healing those wounds.  It’s been intense and day by day, I’m feeling lighter.  I’ve been forgiving myself.  I’ve been applying the spiritual antidotes of vulnerability, generosity, humility, compassion, being of service, willingness and integrity.

Integrity is the one I love the most, because it trumps everything.  Debbie writes, “When we are living a life of integrity we don’t have to worry. When we’re being honest with ourselves and true to our values, we will admit it when we’re being greedy, guarded, intolerant, stubborn, self-absorbed, or deceitful and get the help we need.   Integrity leaves us a trail to follow when we’ve lost touch with our higher self.”  p202.

The adult Jeaneen that has emerged from the transformation of being in India, is quite busy, gently forgiving and loving all the parts that “Saint Jeaneen” had hidden away.  Whew.   Why am I doing this?  Because I can’t step into the greatness that I am truly capable of, the greatness of my authentic Self if I’m hiding behind a mask.  I must be willing to shine the flashlight of love and healing into my dark shadow, exposing the shame and fear.  Courageous yes…and oh my.  I’m feeling that this is EXACTLY what is needed for each of us to step into our full potential. 

The Retreat is the pause in between

Today I am retreating by focusing on the still space in between vs. where I usually focus…the intense pursuit of shapes, thoughts, actions and words.  I yearn to access the Heart that resides in this quiet space and it’s all a big HUGE mystery.    I know that all the good stuff lies in between.  All the peace is in the pause.  All the joy, compassion, wisdom and creativity arises in the transition zone.   I want to integrate this remembrance throughout my day AND it’s a bit elusive.  If there are no thoughts in the pause, how do I recognize I’m in it?  

In my leadership, I’m learning that if I focus on attending to the space, (the feeling or energy that surrounds us) the particles (actions) flow more easily.  In my speech, if I pause, breathe and wait…the words I speak arise from a deeper place.  The thoughts and emotions will always be there. I’m not trying to eliminate them to get to the space.  I’m just lightly, secretly shifting my attention to the pause in between.    

Here’s to slowing it all down and entering into the power of the pause!   Here’s to remembering to celebrate the completion points!  Here’s to taking the time we need to acknowledge, honor and grieve our losses.   Perhaps this is why daily meditation is so essential.  It gets us good at entering the pause.  What’s your tip?  Is this one of those secret mysteries we’re not supposed to be talking about?

Things I noticed as I crossed the road while on retreat in India

Context.  “The Road” is a 10 ft wide lane of crumbling blacktop that winds along next to the ashram.  OK…here we go:

•  14 teenage boys on 4 bikes.   
• A crowd of exuberant Indian children skipping and jabbering away in Hindi,  in the night…yelling “Hello” in English. (I’m in silence…so all I can do is smile and nod…which makes it worse as I start laughing and can’t stop. )
• A little horse drawn surrey with tiny horses and a whole family packed in the back. 
• An endless supply of motorcycles, rickshaws, really loud buses and fantastically painted trucks all honking and swerving together with beautiful sari clad women, babies and children hanging precariously everywhere you look.  Overloaded?  What is overloaded? (Yes, these people are so stunning, I feel like I’m on a movie set.)
• Sacred Cows, of course. 
• A wagon pulled by oxen, again packed with beautiful smiling families. 
• The flower garland vendors who won’t give up their quest to have me purchase and are convinced I haven’t paid for the one they threw around my neck when I wasn’t paying attention yesterday.  Rather than going after me for the rupee’s they have targeted my roommate to pay, who has to dodge them every time she crosses now too.
• The guards who are quite handsome in a vibrant sort of way, I do feel safe and protected …and a little light headed in their presence. 
• An old sadhu covered in Kum Kum who looked into my eyes and for several hours I’m seeing stars and galaxies circling around in my head.  And speaking of stars, what is up with the tall smiling, completely amazing European businessman? 
• A young Indian man, with a wooden box on his head that I am sure has a snake in it. 
• A parade of chanting pilgrims, complete with megaphones, cymbals, drums and their own teacher carried forward on a garland clad truck.  
• A truckload of chickens and last but not least….at 3:45am, there is no one but us meditators crossing the road.  The end.

I was just going for my “Eat Pray and Love” Experience

I’m retreating at the beach on Whidbey Island with Peg Marckworth, the wonder-personal branding consultant www.marckworth.com and Tucker the wonder-dog.  We’re watching the water sparkle in the sun and the first bright green leaves on the rose bushes emerge.  It’s been 3 months since my retreat in India.  Since I have returned change has been constant.  India called forth growth in my life and business, just like the sun is calling forth the wildly alive spring green that is emerging here everywhere.

It’s been magical to witness my outer reality, trying to catch up to the wise inner Knowing that my time in India unvieled.  Sometimes it’s been elegant and profound…sometimes it’s been clumsy and physically intense.  Big surprise!  I expected joyful bliss.  It’s been all that AND it’s been heart wrenching, chaotic and messy.  Gentle compassion flows through me with silent, peaceful ripples. Often followed by the diesel engine style love that rumbles through with powerful might, expelling every trace of limitation or illusion of control. My heart is 10 times bigger.  I’ve noticed that the sorrow of my lifetime has mysteriously gone missing, healed without a trace.  No band-aids, no scars remain.  

My ”Pilgrimage to the Heart” via India was the beginning of Retreat to Advance 2008.  It has not been a linear process where I retreated, meditated, had inspiration….then came back, reflected, quietly made a plan and began moving forward.  It was more like a tornado of pure Love energy blasted through after which I picked myself up and asked.  “What the heck?”  Nothing looks or feels the way it once did.  Everything is changing from the inside out.  I’m wildly, passionately happy and quite proud that I’ve made it this far.  I still miss everything about India.  My imagination sees, feels, tastes and smells it in sensual detail every day.    I’m told that this “missing” is the energy of divine Love.  Crazy. 

Bottom line.  Retreat, surrender to Love, gather your circle of support, be kind to yourself, fasten your seat-belt and get ready to Advance.

Welcome

 

This web-log is devoted to the exploration of Retreat to Advance.  Through sharing the wisdom gleaned from  ”retreating” for times of reflection and stillness, I’m aiming to deepen our understanding of how ”retreat” supports “advance” in both business and life.   Another goal is to deepen our collective wisdom around the question:  How can we most effectively initiate and move through times of change?   Hint:  The change process is not linear and it often involves messy chaos.  I welcome your comments, stories, feelings, perceptions and experiences.  For more about my work and my ideas about Retreat to Advance see jrscoaching.com